Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Daily Mantra

So...HI!
 I haven't had many ideas lately and I didn't want to bore you with the same ol' my toddler is crazy, my 6 year old is really 21 years old and why do the clothes end up right on the floor NEXT to the hamper instead of in it, type of posts.

The other night, I was watching an episode of the best/worst show ever, WIFE SWAP. I mean lets be honest, this show makes me feel like the best wife/mother ever and my house suddenly feels clean and like I actually have some sanity left.

So...This lady made money off of selling her book full of self-affirmations. Of course, she was a lunatic and everything that came out of her mouth sounded like an infomercial (my sister loves those). But then, I thought, hey that doesn't sound so bad. I mean, I can't manifest money (which is what she suggested) or happiness into my life, because, well, you just don't THINK and things just magically appear. Yes, you can think positive and maybe some positive things might happen. But we have to WORK and be HAPPY with ourselves so that the positivity flows nicely :)

I can, however, say things to myself (and you can to) to possibly prevent you from murdering someone, someday! I KID I KID! Anyways, here are some i thought that might help me out with some issues:

I WILL CHECK ON MY CHILDREN, I WILL CHECK ON MY CHILDREN! (this happens when they are silent and Mommy just wants 5 minutes of peace...WE ALL HAVE BEEN THERE!)

I WON'T CURSE SOMEONE OUT, I WON'T CURSE SOMEONE OUT! (my job, enough said..I am pretty sure whatever your job is...you have those days)

DON'T DELETE, DON'T DELETE, I WILL NOT DELETE! (on Facebook, we all have those "friends" or "family members" that make you want to push that shiny delete button but the daily drama prevents you from doing so....just hide them people...just hide them)

I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM, YES I LOVE HIM! (now ladies, one word "men"....it takes a whole lot of patience and about 3 glasses of wine to deal with them. I know!!!!! As mentioned above, the clothes just magically appear next to the hamper. The glass of juice, has just enough in it so that when he leaves it laying around a nice, well-behaved toddler can swipe it right off of the coffee table onto the beige rug. They hammer a nail in the wall and their job is accomplished, while you cook and clean the half drunk cups and clothes off of the floor. They complain that women complain a lot, but one hour with the children and they are begging you for mercy. Leaving the refrigerator open, clipping their toenails and breathing. I could go on, but you feel me and you are looking at the wine right now!)

As I continue my day I am sure I can think of more mantras....Whats yours?

Friday, May 10, 2013

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............

Welcome to Take One of May’s Secret Subject Swaps! This week, 12 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and we were assigned a secret subject to interpret in our own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts. 



My subject is:

You were given an opportunity to write a short comedic story about your life:
     What is the title? 
     What's the first 5 sentences of the story?  

It was submitted by: dates2diapers2.blogspot.com      

   
Here goes: 

Title: 
Hypo-condriac-accident-prone-mom!

Body:
I couldn't just pick one funny event in my life, there have been so many and its hard to pick just one. Of course when everything is happening to you in the moment, its not so funny. But when you look back, you laugh.....HARD! 
I can go as far back as being 3 years old and my sister spinning me around and dislocating my shoulder. I don't remember how I felt, but she often laughs about that moment! I honestly could write a whole blog about my sister's and I's eventful sibling fights. Thank God she is shorter then me now and I am super intimidating <3
My friends from elementary recently reminded me of how I ran to their door crying because biggie had died....I mean he was an icon! 
Or how about the time I wasn't feeling so well and my mom's boyfriend wanted to make me a cup of tea and it was "peppermint" flavored. Come to find out, he gave me dieter's tea and well...you know the rest. 
There was also that moment where one morning, around my college years, I couldn't feel my arm. I called my family screaming bloody murder and made them meet me at the ER. Come to find out, my arm was asleep and just needed to wake up. Insurance is a wonderful thing. 
Apparently, I was a chicken in college. I had left some food on the floor or something and had a trail of ants leading into my room. I cried and called my mom, she came and exterminated them. I love my mom.
I also have been known to trip UP the stairs and sprain my ankle a couple of times...tripping is funny.
Let's fast forward to having children, which is just funny in itself (amiright?) 
Well, thats the conclusion. Sorry if it bored you, but I really was working on this for weeks and couldn't come up with real funny moments in my life. I am sure my friends and family can indulge you with way more. They seem to think things I do, my ER visits and my cursing children are funny as hell, so ASK THEM :)


Secret Subject Swap
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Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

http://followmehome.shellybean.com             
www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com