Friday, June 7, 2013
I find myself just confused. I wish I knew the meaning of life, I wish I knew if there was a God, I wish I just knew why there has to be so many bumps in the road. Since we were young we were always told life isn't fair. When will it be? Will there ever be a period of normalcy. A time in my life/your life where things just go right for once? Death, injuries, natural disasters, breakups, job loss, birth, etc. It seems like something is always going on and when it's not and you kind of feel normal for a while, life has a way of slapping you in the face. Now maybe life hits you with great, awesome things, but you don't get to enjoy them for long because you end up hitting that bump in the road. Stay strong! That's what everyone tells you. But can we be weak for a moment? Can we be human? Can we cry and scream and curse life and God? Can someone tell us what's the point of all these bumps in the road? WHY WHY WHY? Today I don't feel so happy and I probably won't for a while. My posts might go from funny to depressing. And that's real life. I won't pretend to put on a show to mask my feelings because I've tried and it doesn't work. I can't even imagine what it's like to have worse things happen in life but right now this bump might be one of the hardest ones I've ever hit. To know that you had things mapped out and the mapped just got shred to pieces. To live a dream that ended up being a nightmare. To be loved and find out you were never loved or worth of it from the person you wanted most. To have regrets, blame yourself, blame the other person, trying to retrace every step to see where you went wrong. Guess those things are a normal part of life when a relationship ends. But, I don't want to go through this. I want to wake up everyday and hope that this is a cruel sick joke. I want everything that was to be different how I saw in my dreams. But it won't. And time can never go back. I don't think we choose our paths and destiny because there's always gonna be that bump in the road that throws your world into the scariest place to live.